Notes

We were so involved in ourselves

And so inclined to just look at the details

We saw in the big picture what was really the negative – a valley where we saw mountains, a desert for the sea, a sword for the plowshare

Viewed from another angle, another perspective…

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Resolute

I’m not big on resolutions, presumably because I’m not very good at following through on them. However, I’ve decided that I’ll add a new resolution each month, starting with two in January:

1. Read a chapter of a book every day/night. Currently this is Henderson the Rain King, for the pretty obvious reason. I’m a sucker for good lyrics.

2. Shave every day. I’ve never done this. I obviously could, and I probably should given the pace of my facial hair growth, but I typically don’t organize my day enough to fit this in.

Other things I would like to do this year, but will not resolve (yet) to do are to write more (either here or elsewhere), clean my room (and therefore make my life feel a bit more sound) more frequently, and to take far more chances (not with my life, but with how I live it… to step out of my cocoon so to speak). Those who know me well know that I like to stay where I am comfortable. It’s time to stretch those bounds. Go to more concerts, experience new things. Start forgetting that things in the past happened and stop letting them affect how I’m living today or tomorrow.  Stop apologizing for things I am honest about. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut, but then again, maybe I’m better off saying these things.

Also, on my list of things I want to accomplish (written nearly two or three years ago) in my lifetime back in May 2005. Among the short term goals: shave every day, read 20 pages every day. Among the long term goals: finish an Ironman Triathlon.

Here’s the full list:

Everyday things that I want to do:

* Run/exercise everyday
* Read 20 pages a day
* Write to one friend a day
* Shower
* Brush teeth twice a day
* Shave

Lifelong things:

* Raise great children
* Be a good husband
* Visit every populated continent by 30
* Play in a professional golf tournament
* Earn $1,000,000 in one year
* Become an expert in one thing
* Become a CEO of a company
* Learn one art form
* Run a marathon
* Finish an Ironman Triathalon

Update:

*Also, I want to go heliskiing before I turn 30. This is more probable than visiting every continent, but maybe I’ll go heliskiing in South America or something.

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Renaissance

This movie… I can’t tell whether I like the story, but the visuals are absolutely stunning.

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In a bar in downtown hell

I spent Christmas Eve and Day with the sibs that live in NYC. It was a holiday of unexpected fun. We bought a hodgepodge of food and beer from Whole Paycheck, went to my brother’s apartment, ate, drank and watched I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. The food was surprisingly good, the beer unsurprisingly strong, and the movie surprisingly funny. In any case, a good old fashioned new age Jewish Christmas.

The next night, we went to dinner. On the way, my sister and her friend were discussing bars from Berlin. The bar names were all related to breakups. At which point we started talking about a future bar we would call “It’s Not You, It’s Me.” My brilliant addition? 2 for 1 drink specials for the recently dumped. The catch? You gotta give the second drink to someone else. Anyhow good times.

Also, good music? Paramore’s “Misery Business” and Boys Like Girls’ “Hero/Heroine.” Also, Bad Religion’s”Honest Goodbye.”


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A bet, perhaps

I’m tempted to start a pool based on when/whether people think I will finish the Ironman. Here’s how it would work:

You pick an hour (e.g. 12 hours, 13 hours) or a DNF and you get to put in a certain amount of money (I was thinking $10 each). You then split the pool with people who picked the same hour. I’m guessing the people that know me would probably put DNF.

So watch this space, cause I’m probably gonna do it.

Update: I’ll be writing the pool site this weekend.
Update2: Ok, well the code is mostly written, just a few glitches and stuff.

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admin stuff

I’m updating Lebanon to DC again, even though it’s more likely just DC (and that’s not a gripe, I’m shocked/grateful that Dan tried in the first place and I’m not upset at all that I don’t think he’ll make Arizona… that’s life.

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As if anyone reads this anymore

The smile… a smile… just one smile, is all it takes to make one feel good about themselves. So whoever you are, square glasses funky jeans hipster lady, thanks. You were quite cute and had a great smile.

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Take Over Me

I’m allergic to my parents house. I like the feeling of the allergies wash over my body with lethargy. They take a slow creep from my eyes, dragging my eyelids downwards and through my sinuses.  Pretty soon, I’ll end up succumbing and just going to sleep.

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Holding back

Holding back is different than holding in. I ran for an hour today, trying to keep myself at a low HR (< 150) with a high leg turnover. It’s not easy. First, when you’re conscious of your turnover and trying to figure out if it’s too low, you just raise your heart rate trying to pick up the turnover. In any case, it was a good run cause I didn’t feel like I was exerting myself and went for an hour, but then again, I didn’t feel like I was exerting myself. Oh well, I succeeded both goals, even if I ran very slowly.

As for holding everything else in, I think the fact that I write here what I write… well. shit. I’m holding it in.

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It’s all a lie

My skin glows a jaundiced yellow in the setting Florida sun. I’m not playing well but I finally feel almost old enough to belong. It’s odd. I always feel like I’m stuck at 12 years old, or maybe even younger. I haven’t carved my little igloo in life yet, and these people I play with, besides my dad, I just don’t know them well enough to carry on a solid conversation. But they seem to enjoy my jokes, and I enjoy their company and their patience. I wish I had some patience. I can push my body to its limits, but it takes a lot of work from my brain. I am lazy at heart and goddammit I wish I weren’t, and my mind is finally getting strong enough to overpower itself and do what I would like it to do. It just takes a lot of work. My mind is its own monster – fighting me at every turn. I can’t even turn it off. The more I fight, the harder it gets. I can’t convince it to believe what I want and maybe that’s my heart getting in the way, but whatever. It’s fucking freezing in here, but besides my feet, I feel pretty warm.  Withdrawal is a bitch. Sometimes, I forget or ignore and then I get the shakes and I feel really fucking glad that that’s all it is. It could be so much worse. I’m not even addicted to anything, and it still sucks. Well, whatever. I’ve been keeping up with the training, or trying to (see above for the battles I play with my head). But I’m learning to sleep when I need to, and wake up when I need to, even if the waking up part is a lot harder. Half marathon on Thursday should be pretty doable and I guess somewhat relaxing because I’ll be on my own (except for my thoughts, which might make it not so much relaxing cause I can’t turn them off). But I’m turning this off for now.  What I really think and really feel are for me to keep because there’s no point at all to making everything public.

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