Always the first star that I find

I don’t have much to say, but I really want to at least say something. Guster comes up on wednesday, and it can’t get here soon enough.

I keep on turning the situations around in my head. What have I done wrong? Should I be doing what I’m doing now? Where do I go from here?

It’s a strange thing to have all these I questions. I lost another piece of me, and now it’s as though… I don’t have to find myself all over again, and I don’t have to learn how to make myself happy again, but I need to find the kind of friendships that I’ve had throughout the years. It’s odd, they come one at a time, these people I can trust with anything. And when they’re gone, when there’s no one to talk to… I realize that I can only live on my own without anyone else for only a short time before the pain sinks in.  I’m always planning for tomorrow… maybe that’s why I hurt so much when things gloriously blow up in my face (or slowly fizzle and fade away into a scar)… I see a future and it’s a future that’ll never exist and it tears me to pieces.

When I was 18, I once left a girl at the airport gate and never looked back. I still have no idea if that was the right thing to do.